Change ( not always the constant )

It’s nice to see that my views-per-day has dropped. how nice.

And I feel like I’ve visited East Shore Hospital enough to call it my 3rd home now.

K now that i’m done with all that small talk, the big chunk of the post today will be about… *drumroll please*… How the WORLD tries to change who you are.

I watch enough America tv shows ( maybe it just happens in the shows ) to know that they always say that “girls always try to change boys to be someone they’re not…” or “why can’t girls fall in love with who you are, instead of who they can make you become” and I agree. but it’s not just girls, it’s the world. ( I’m guilty of this btw. ) Most of us have pet peeves, some of them really really weird. I can’t think of any examples of the top of my head now, but sometimes don’t you think that the world tries too much to make you do something you really don’t wanna do, or to change your habits that, no doubt are bad, but have been with you for your entire life. We’re all different, uniquely different, and it’s like the world’s trying to make us all become one. one person.

Why can’t the world accept me for who I am, instead of who I COULD become? If i’m open-minded, I’m sure there’s someone out there in the world who’s as open-minded as me and will be willing to have an open relationship instead of someone who can’t stand that i’m open and tries to make me more “closed”.

If you love someone ( not just in a boy-girl thing, even as friends ), you’ll accept them for who they are. If you can’t, then you don’t love them. You’re just in love with the idea of the person they could be. and then that’s not love anymore. Or maybe you’ve changed and you can’t love that person anymore, but it’s been so long that they’ve become a habit to you… Just let them go. It wouldn’t be love anyway.

I have a bad feeling i’m going off topic, but you guys get my point right? Or since I have so little views, I get my point. and I just think that everyone should reflect, do you love the people around you because you love who they are? or who they might and could become?

The Symbolism of LIFE

Boredom…

Oh right, I remember what I wanted to talk about the other day now. I should’ve taken a picture. =(

Anyway, this fine day I had to go to school, and then as usual I walked past the canal near my house. The waters were calm then, not a single ripple. It felt good to see such peace and calmness somewhere in the world.

As I came back home, I walked by the canal again, but only this time, it was raining, and as you can guess, the waters were no longer calm. They were choppy, and tiny waves could be seen forming from the raindrops that fell on the canal. Then something hit me. I’m going to call it “The Symbolism of LIFE“.

I could see the difference. The calm waters represented my younger years, when I used to be happy-go-lucky, and I didn’t really give shit about life. I just lived the way I wanted, didn’t care what people thought of me, and life was so smooth sailing or “calm” for me last time. Up till this year, whereby life has still been relatively easy, and I’ve made some really special friends. Things were “calm”.

I can totally see my future in the ripply waters. Life is going to be tough ahead, there’s no denying. and life is no longer going to be all fun. I’m going to go through 1 whole year of pure torture to make it into the university, and I thought about my life ahead, and the “waters” in my head were defintely no longer subtle. They were crashing all over the place.

And this made me smile. I chuckled to myself and thought, well, at least I can still find some fun out of life. =)

Marriage.

Congrats Edwin and Eunice. You’ll probably never read this, and I’ll never know you more than today, but the sentiment’s there. Congrats again. Today’s your happy day, go and enjoy it. And the wedding was uber sexy. =)

Reflections after the wedding :

1) Minor one : Wine Glasses are SUPER SEXY!

They were serving wine and water in those wine glasses, and as I was holding it, drinking it, it felt super sexy. You know, how they hold it between the middle and 4th finger and then you serve the wine, and then you slowly put your lips on the glass, and then slowly sip. SO SEXY! BASKET.

2) Major one : How my view on marriages is a replication on my view on life.

I used to see weddings as a chore whenever I had to go to one. It was like “ugh, another thing to waste my time on”, and I always never treasured anything I did/ate there. It was like a free dinner. But today, I realised that I was actually thinking about the wedding I just experienced in front of me, and how I really want that in my future. It was so mesmerizing to see 2 people so in love, and how I want that for my future. I started thinking about how it would all go down and then it hit me. I would’ve never done this in the past. I actually enjoyed my time there, and I was thinking about how wonderful it was to be able to share in the joy of these 2 people.

Then I realised, how much I’ve grown over this past year. I’ve started to come up with my own opinions, and I’ve stuck by them, even when the majority don’t believe it. I’ve been able to reflect more deeply and apply certain things to my life ( though most of the time not successful ), and I think I finally know what it’s like to feel joyful for someone else. I guess I’ve matured over this year. I’m not as self-centered as I used to be, I now actually feel happy when I see others being happy as well. And I’m happy for this progress. =)

-break-

I guess the only thing I wish I could improve on is my emotional quota. I’m often emotional ( not in an emo sort of way ) , and sometimes it’s irritating to people I guess. I’ll try to improve! =)

We were merely freshmen.

Man, what a song! His voice, is awesome. Lyrically, awesome.

I accidentally bumped into it when I was playing all my OTH soundtracks, and it’s awesome. Makes you wonder about the difference in music from the 90s till now. =(

This song has really hit me though, what teenagers go through during their high school / secondary school / college / JC / poly times. The song’s actually about a girl who had to go through an abortion, and the girl is so depressed that she actually ODs on Valium and the guy claiming that it isn’t his responsibility because they were young and stupid, and that he shouldn’t “die for these sins” ( that’s my take. ) Have your own take this, cause there are SO many interpretations that could come from this.

How many things have we done in our youth years that we’ll regret when we look back 10, 20 years from now, all because we weren’t mature enough to think it through, or because we were young and reckless and jumped into things that we’ll never be able to change? Or will we be able to make wise decisions that will serve us well for the rest of our lives? When we look back on our lives at our “deathbed”, will we say “wow, what a life I’ve lived, and my youth was no doubt the most exciting time of my life” or will we say “if only I didn’t do that” or “man, I should’ve gone after her…”

It’s funny how a song can make you think so much… but its totally true.

For the life of me,
I cannot remember what made us think that we were wise and we’d never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we’d ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

This is exactly why I wanna continue my songwriting hobby / “possible career”. The way music can strike people and make them think, it’s awesome. Peace out.

We were merely freshmen…

Tiem for Moosic.

God bless, I’m immature.

AH!!!!!! I wished I was more mature. Physically, and mentally. I wished I didn’t look like some sec 2 kid. I CAN TOTALLY PASS OFF AS A PRIMARY 6 kid ( which isn’t cool btw. ) I wanna look older. like, seriously older. meh. =(

Mentally, I know I’ve defintely grown since last year, but I know I can defintely become much more mature. =( I just hope this kicks in soon, cause I don’t wanna go into NS and go in being and looking like a kid. -.-

Meh, these are just wishes anyway. =(

It’s been awhile.

And a not so holy song,

“I wanna live a life from a new perspective” I do.

I had a couple of things to talk about, but I forgot.

So it is…

It’s funny. They say that Singapore is a less-discriminated place, but yet how discrimination reigns within teens ( at least my friends ) is funny.

Serangoon JC.

I never thought that coming here meant that I would actually be discriminated against for being “less-smart”, but people from CJC.  It’s funny huh? I always thought that going to a JC, even SRJC gave me a chance to renew this “slacker” title of mine. I was never one of the premier scores in a secondary school, and I thought me going to SRJC would give me an opportunity to change this. I guess not. My opinions are seemed to be less credible, and if I give some bad advice, they blame it on SRJC. I do well for promos, it’s only cause its SRJC. like fuck you man.

Even though, i’ll admit that I was never happy to be admitted to SR, i’ll fight for its dignity all the way because I’m proud to be an SRJCian. and for those of you who actually feel that we’re not as smart as you are, well then you can kiss my ass. Sure, O levels, you did way better. But we’re all taking the same exams, and i’ll show you that we’re now of the same level, and we’re all the same, and when it comes down to crunch time, let’s see which is better. All the talk about how smart you are, or SRJCians kicking your asses at the A levels. bitches.

My own “friends”…

Good guys huh?

It’s been awhile eh?

It’s amazing how I let myself be taken advantaged of over and over and over again. IT’S AMAZING. Seriously.
If it’s not the CD, then its the movie, then its alot of other crap.

You know how they say that good guys finish last? I think this could actually be true. I never believed it, but I think I’m starting too.

I always believed that 1 good deed deserves another.. where has that gone to? =(

ORAL PRESENTATION

KayKay ( sense the wordplay people ) , I think my presentation’s becoming more awesome. No longer scared, no longer nervous, though I still forget to do certain things at times… but I think i’m becoming pretty good, though I shouldn’t be complacent.

This blog’s becoming more of a rant place, the posts are boring and wordy, and sometimes not even wordy… just boring. with 1 or 2 lines. =/

like this.

or this.

You see, before I blog, I actually have a buttload to say in my mind, but once I start typing, I forget.

like this.

Kaybai.

Speechless.

Dooms-Day. cliched, i know.

I thought I’m usually pretty good at giving nice advice, and comforting people, but right now I really really dunno what to say. I’m…………..turning to the highest one.

Dear God,

It’s about time I turned to you, though the people I pray for may not necessarily believe in you, but I just hope that you’ll guide them through this whole episode of their lives. Come what may, life still has to go on and I hope that you’ll help to cushion the pain or enhance the pleasure. Of course, we hope for the best for everyone, and that most of us would be promoted or have the re-exam. Retain or promote, I hope that we’ll all be able to continue living life normally and for those who retain, I just hope that they can accept what-ever lies ahead and that as time goes by their parents will come to accept the fact too.

Also, may they reflect upon how they’ve done over the course of this year and that maybe next year they’ll make some changes to their life which has caused them down this path. It isn’t easy, and especially in today’s society, but may you just shelter them over all the stigma and discrimination that our society offers these days, and that they’ll have future success in their lives ahead.

I just hope you can bless everyone, that they know that you have their best interests at heart, and you do things because you ultimately have a plan for us, and that there is really no need to rush life. But of course, if its possible, just grant most of them this chance to escape their sin and hopefully next year they’ll be able to repent and do much better. Just bless all of us with the best possible outcome we can have. Amen.

I know, most of you don’t believe this, but I just hope that you all can pull through, especially those who are right on the border. BTW, i’m not saying that i’ll get promoted, i’m still hoping and praying for the best. But tomorrow is gonna be a heck of a day, and I just hope that we’ll be able to pull through together.

I’m gonna miss you guys, for those in my class. Just remember, I’m always here for you. Though I may not show it, express it, nor act it, i’m here, whenever, wherever.

MAN I FEEL SO HELPLESS NOW, to see so many of my classmates/friends worrying and I’m not able to do a darn thing about it. I suck. =(

TGITuesday… or is it?

First Bummer

No new tv episodes this week. That sucks. I have nothing to do on tuesday now =(

Second Bummer

My OP was full of fail. Like seriously. K maybe not FULL of fail, but still fail. I used too many hmms…umms…lah…hmms… =( Maybe i’m Singaporean afterall.

Third Bummer

This thursday / friday. Man there’s gonna be alot of crying. I’m guessing. RELEASE OF PROMO RESULTS AND COMMENDATION DAY. Well, I guess I’m getting overconfident that I’ve promoted. I..must…not…do…this…again… I’m gonna retain. I’m gonna retain. I’M GONNA RETAIN!! ( so that if I actually retain, I don’t feel so bad ). And I hope my friends make the bar. PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Fourth Bummer

I can feel the effects of next year already. No clique, No 1s07, No MICK. =( . Well, I’m still hoping somehow all these will remain the same, but I highly doubt it. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn, next year’s gonna suckass. and Kevin’s writing a BOOK. That was my ambition once, but noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo my words speak louder than my actions. =(

K-time-to-go-emo-and-think-about-life-and-then-go-miss-my-friends-and-then-die-eventually.